At PretendAgain, we’ve seen firsthand how the binge and purge cycle can affect many in the ABDL community, including members of our own team. It's so common that you may have even heard a joke or two about it in passing. Many ABDLs face the binge/purge cycle, often alongside other mental health struggles. Having gone through this cycle ourselves earlier in our lives, we understand how important it is to discuss it openly. 

One of the hardest things to witness is when our fellow ABDL friends go through the purge phase—disposing of their expensive ABDL gear, diapers, and cherished items, only to disappear from our community for months or even years. We often see posts on community forums from people sharing their experiences, urging others not to throw their ABDL things away but to put them in a box and hide them instead mentioning that the cycle of purging is a symptom of deeper internal struggles with shame and self-identity.

In sharing our experiences and what we’ve learned, we hope to provide some guidance and support, helping you build the confidence to make healthy changes so you never feel the need to binge and purge your ABDL side again.

Understanding the Binge and Purge Cycle

The binge and purge cycle is a common experience for many ABDLs. During the “binge” phase, we might buy a lot of ABDL items, dive deeply into the lifestyle, or fully immerse ourselves in the community. At first, this phase can feel incredibly freeing and exciting. However, it often leads to overwhelming emotions like guilt, shame, or fear of judgment, especially because the ABDL world online can feel so different from our personal reality we live and work within everyday at home.

This is when the “purge” phase starts—throwing out all ABDL items, distancing ourselves from the community, or even denying this part of our identity altogether. It can feel like a constant teeter-totter of conflicting desires and expectations: feeling great about being ABDL one moment and then feeling terrible about it the next. This often happens because our sense of self-worth is tied to external validation and opinions instead of having internal confidence in who we are. In other words, we have an undeveloped clear sense of "Self."

This cycle can be emotionally exhausting and often leaves us feeling lost and confused about our true selves and what we genuinely want. The good news is that we can do things to improve both our self-confidence, and improve our environment over time that will make our need or want to binge and purge the ABDL side of us a thing of the past.

The Psychology Behind the Binge and Purge Cycle

Why do so many ABDLs experience this? From both our personal experiences and those shared by our friends in the community, we’ve come to understand that this cycle is often driven by a combination of internal struggles of self-confidence and external pressures of our environment and the people around us.

1. Internalized Shame and Guilt

For many, the journey to discovering and accepting their ABDL side is filled with internal conflict. Most societies often have a narrow view of what is "normal," and anything that falls outside of that can be met with misunderstanding or judgment. This creates a deep-seated sense of shame or guilt about being ABDL. In the binge phase, you might feel a rush of freedom as you embrace this part of yourself. But the shame and guilt, often rooted in years of societal conditioning, can quickly resurface, leading to the expensive urge to purge.

2. Fear of Judgment and Rejection

Fear of how others might react is another major factor in the binge and purge cycle. Even when we start to accept ourselves, the thought of being judged by friends, family, or colleagues can be overwhelming. In our histories, many of us at PretendAgain have felt that fear, wondering what would happen if people knew about our ABDL side. This fear can lead to purging as a way to protect ourselves from potential judgment or rejection.

3. A Need for Control

Control is another key aspect of the binge and purge cycle. Engaging in ABDL activities can provide comfort and a sense of control in a world that often feels unpredictable or stressful. But when that comfort begins to feel overwhelming (like when we ignore life responsibilities for too long), or when life demands our attention in other areas, purging can feel like a way to regain control and restore balance, even if it means denying an important part of who we are.

Journey to Acceptance

Different members of PretendAgain have gone through their own binge and purge cycles, along with other mental health struggles. Many of us have worked with therapists, leaned on each other, and focused on improving all aspects of our lives. This process hasn’t been easy and is ongoing, but is incredibly rewarding.

We’ve learned that creating a positive space for ABDL without shame or guilt starts with self-acceptance. It’s about acknowledging that being ABDL is just one part of who we are and it is a valuable piece of our identity.

Build an Open-Minded Environment

One of the biggest lessons we’ve learned is the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who accept us for who we are. Those around you build you up or tear you down. At PretendAgain, we strive to foster an environment where everyone feels safe to be their true selves. This openness extends beyond our work environment; it’s a philosophy we carry into our friendships and daily lives. We’ve found that being around understanding, non-judgmental people makes all the difference. Spending time with the ABDL community, and ABDL local friends improves our collective capacity to face any negative ABDL views. We have more in common than we have in differences.

Observations from the Community

Beyond our own experiences, we’ve also seen many in the ABDL community struggle with the binge and purge cycle on social media, especially in places like ABDL Reddit. It’s heartbreaking to see so many people feeling isolated or ashamed of who they are, especially when there’s a whole community out there ready to support them. We’ve witnessed countless posts from people sharing their frustrations about this cycle, seeking advice and reassurance from others who understand what they’re going through. It’s a reminder of how widespread these feelings are and how important it is to create a more open, supportive environment and that we need to talk about these struggles as a community.

Baby Steps & Moving Forward 

If you find yourself caught in the mentally and physically expensive binge and purge cycle, know that you are not alone! Many of us in the ABDL community have been there, and we understand how challenging it can be. But it’s also important to know that there’s a way out—a way to break free from that cycle and live authentically as your true self.

Start by being kind to yourself. Start to pay attention to your self-talk and internal dialogue. Is that dialogue kind? Do you talk to yourself in a way that you would talk to someone you love?

Second, recognize that it’s okay to have self-doubt feelings and that you deserve love and acceptance just as you are and especially as you figure out who you are.

Thirdly, seek out environments and people who lift you up rather than bring you down, and don’t be afraid to reach out for support when you need it. Not every friend you have today may be a true friend. Evaluate all opinions and influence you are allowing into your decisions. If it's clear your environment isn't healthy, its time to create heathy boundaries between who you are, and who your friends or family are.

Remember, being ABDL is just one important aspect of your beautiful, multifaceted self. Embrace it, love yourself, and let go of the shame that holds you back. If you feel stuck today, just take one small step forward, even if that one small step is understanding the "why" behind your ABDL binge and purge pattern. 

A Shared ABDL Binge & Purge Reflection

Binge and purge isn't just about the physical act of throwing things away. Some of us know the cost of trashing everything all too well and have been through it more than once, fully aware that we'll likely be back again. The real toll hits when we purge ourselves from the community.

When you’ve been in the community long enough, made friends around the world who share your interests, and then that feeling of shame or guilt hits so hard that you pull away from all the good the community has brought you—that’s when your rational mind stops being so rational. Instead of feeling supported, it starts to feel like an echo chamber of positivity. You see the world around you—full of intolerance and hatred for anything not considered "normal"—and start to wonder, "Is all this good just a well-fabricated lie?"

Here’s the thing: that’s not your rational brain talking. That’s fear, insecurity, shame, and guilt hijacking your thoughts. I spent about seven years repressing this side of myself after spending years before embracing it. I thought masking up and acting "normal" was the best thing for me. That mistake led to the longest mental downward spiral of my life. I lost friendships and missed the chance to say important things to people who passed away during that time. The toll it took was much greater than I ever imagined.

Rebuilding myself over the past two years has been a tough journey, and now, pushing 40, it stands as my biggest regret. The world isn’t always kind, and not everyone will accept your uniqueness. But don’t let those people hold power over your life. You only have one life to live—so live it to the fullest. Be selfish. Nourish who you are, not what others want you to be.